The "real" truth about losing my father...maybe I'm not so strong!

As many of you know, I lost my father July 18th after a 1 1/2 year fight with lung cancer. The term fight is used liberally in this, as fighting and being 77 really don't go hand in hand. He did what he could and I am proud of him for that! In his final days I had what we'll call "my last conversation". It consisted of two things: 1) Take care of your mother and 2) I love you, of course I responded with and I love you too and I will ensure that she is taken care of! Fast forward to October the 13th, Dear Dad, It's been nearly 3 months and I think of you EVERY day. I have honored your request to take care of mom as best I can to this point. I took her roses from you on your anniversary. I leave her love notes from the girls and I all over the house, as a matter of fact I feel certain she will never find them all! I truely love you and what you did for me for so long. You mean far more than you'll ever know! I hope you are watching over me, mom, kari and the kids, we need it for sure. Little Mag's mentions you constantly, last night she learned that God is the band-aid for our hurts and you were her owwwy! That's oh so true; however, times like right now nothing is taking away the pain. I just want to talk to you, see you, sit with you, anything, but no I'll have to use this blog as my outlet! Anyone who knows me knows that I have exemplified what you told me, I have been a pillar of strength through this, but inside I am hurting deeply. No one knows, correction no one knew, until I told Kari a couple of days ago that I was a mess inside. I hurt deeply and the pillar is collapsing a little at a time. With that said to anyone who reads this, just know that no matter how strong you are, there will be time of weakness. Prepare yourself by being real. Let god be the band-aid, but let those close to you know you are hurting, so they can offer earthly comfort.

Why not add something else....

I'm a parent, which essentially means I'm a slave to my children's activities (and a few more things to be determined later). Anyone know what I mean? I get off work and seek my next adventure, soccer, softball, cross country, dance, student council, church activities, competitive dance, Nutcracker ballet practice and unfortunately the list goes on. So with all that said, I think it's time to add something new to my life, blogging. Like most things in my life committing 100% is probably not going to happen but...and that is a big but...I am going to put this as one of my priorities! I might just learn something through this...and well with that said let me start this journey!